hari raya

hello there.
a few more days, and poof! it'll be hari raya! amazing how time can surprise us with how fast they fly, right? anw, somehow things doesn't feel like raya so much. yes, i'm no longer in semsas, trying to wake up early for my sahur (though not a such a success about it =D ), and yes, i've eaten quite a lot  of kuih raya that mom had made, and yes, i've just got back from my shopping trip for baju raya. but no, it still doesn't feel like one. i didn't get excited at all for all of these stuffs, not like i used to. instead, it feels more like a routine, something i ought to do. must do. idk why, but well, i don't feel the joy of raya at all.

i remember when i was way much younger, hari raya was the 'it day'. my dad used to say, tak puasa tak leh raya, so that is why i tried my best to fast the whole month since i was 7. and when raya was coming, i was the most excited one. i remember how we used to decorate the house; dad would move the dining table to the living room for the guests, we  replaced the curtains with new ones, and then, my sisters and i would gather all of our hari raya cards and hang it on the wall as our decorations. i remember the mega spring cleaning; dad would mope the stairs and cleaned out the front porch, my sisters and i would helped him (although most of the time we were playing with the water!! ), and then  all of us would start cleaning in the house. my job, for every single year, was to wash the sink, and  along would give me rm1 as a tip. i remember putting the kuih raya into the bekas to serve at the living room; while putting some of it into my mouth (hahaha!!). and FYI, that was during the night lorh.

i remember our annual hari raya shopping, where mom and dad would take my sisters and i all around the town to find our baju kurung and some new outfits. basically, each of us would get a pair of baju kurung and a brand new top and pants. we usually went to the store, and the line to pay was so long that it took hours, and my sisters and i would sat down on the floor because we were soo tired of waiting. but then, who cares about how tiring and long the shopping was, it was for raya. else didn't matter!

and yeah, i remember when both my parents gave me rm30 each because i was fasting the whole month (one day, 1 ringgit) and i was soo happy becasue i finally got more duit raya than my older sisters. haha. in the end, my sisters and i would all count how much duit raya we got  for that year and see who won. i won once . =)

i miss those days, i miss them a lot.
but things change, and it would never go the way it used to be, or the way i want it to be.
that's what we call life.
i just hope that someday, maybe someday, i will have that feeling back. and raya would be the 'it day' again.

someday.